The fall season equals hunting season and boy, oh, boy does that create some strange behavior in our neck of the woods. All of the outdoorsman are getting that crazy look in their eyes. On any given night, the peaceful serenity is broken by the practicing elk bugles and deer grunting. The bow shop has extended their hours. The hospital is full of new pregnancies as the outdoorsman pretend they are elk and deer in the rut. It is once again acceptable to wear camo 24/7 instead of just on the weekend. Is the outdoorsman in your life pretending to be an elk in rut? Is he running around like a squirrel hiding acorns, except he is hoarding articles of camo clothing in his truck? Is he sniffing the air and giggling like a school girl because it "smells"; like fall is on the way? Yes? Well that is definitely what is going on around our house. Here are the top ten signs that hunting season is just around the corner...God help us it seems like a camo zombie apocalypse is upon us.
 

1. There are men everywhere pretending to be bulls n' bucks. Yes, they are running around with a crazed look in their eyes, grunting, bugling, holding shed horns on their head and ramming into innocent tree adversaries and fighting the branches with their antlers. I guess, I should be grateful they aren't whizzing down their legs...YET.
 

2. Life's priorities have dramatically changed. No, the lawn doesn't need to be mowed any longer. No, the garbage doesn't need to be taken out. No, the wife and children do not need any attention- they are just FINE! What MUST be done? Archery practice. Bugle practice. Rifle practice. Scouting. Camo prepping. That is all and don't bother asking for anything else.
 

3. The outdoorsman's place of employment calls. Is there any issues they need to be concerned about? The outdoorsman has requested 2 day work weeks for the next 12 weeks... Don't worry honey-we have plenty of food in our pantry and the electric company won't mind if we are late paying the bill. After all, isn't that what emergency savings are for? Is this an emergency? I guess so in camo land...
 

4. Suddenly the laundry room is no longer my concern. The outdoorsman hasn't even given the laundry room a second glance since...well, this time last year, but suddenly it is his place of serious business. The door is overflowing with camo and air-tight bags. I am not allowed to touch any of his precious items with my perfumed, stinky hands or fresh scented soaps and I am not allowed to put everyone else in our home's laundry in until he is done with his "project"; for fear of contamination. All camo articles of clothing must be washed in no-scented or dirt- scented and promptly bagged.
 

5. He has been receiving numerous "thank you" cards from Cabela's online, Kuiu and Zamberlan Boot Company (he should never complain about my shoes after seeing what they charge for those things!) and numerous other outdoor gear stores. We have also been receiving packages from the UPS guy at least 4 times a week. I am starting to think I should ask him in for dinner as he is here so often. But the packages are whisked away before I can even bring them in the house. Strange, huh? This leads to #6...
 

6. For some reason our credit card bill is missing and the online password is not working...I ask the outdoorsman and he just bugles at me and runs away like a wild animal. I am forced to call in and see what the problem is. "Well, m'am...a cardholder has called in and changed the information"; I change the info back and see that we are independently keeping Cabela's, Sportsman's Warehouse, the bow shop, and all sorts of online outdoor supplier companies in business...
 

7. Who needs sleep anyways? The outdoorsman is staying up late at night frantically punching buttons on his Smartphone and studying on X-maps. He grumbles a lot to himself and then will call other crazy camo people, I assume, grunt a few times, then mark the calendar and a spot on the map. I wonder how they understand what the hell they are saying...Grunt...Grunt...Snort...Oh, yes, honey...I totally understand.
 

8. The outdoorsman is now wearing a uniform of his hunting pack and his new hiking boots everywhere we go. I just pretend like I don't know him when we go to the store. I am pretty good at veering off into another aisle like I forgot to grab something. Date night...Now that hunting season is upon us...there is no time for that crap. But, I have to imagine he would wear his pack and boots if I could convince him to take me to a movie instead of a date night consisting of watching him shoot. Oh, goody!
 

9. Suddenly our diet is very structured. There will be no beers, there will be no treats, all there will be is meat and vegetables. I am mildly concerned that he is trying to become a wild animal so that he will hunt like one...but luckily, I am wrong. Apparently, the outdoorsman is hoping to be able to outrun the elk and deer instead of sneak up on them from a distance. He is constantly mumbling about being in shape for hunting and marches up and down the mountain behind our house at least 25 times per evening. Yes, of course, he has his pack and boots on.
 

10. The outdoorsman's truck has been transformed back into his command center. Gone are the fishing rods and tackle boxes. They have been replaced with camo-filled dry bags, sleeping bags, tents, bows and guns. His precious "animal spotting"; paraphernalia has been taken out of the glove box and placed back in their special spots. The binos are now hanging from the rearview mirror and a spotting scope is resting upon the driver's window. Yes, I suppose it is time for me to get out the helmet I wear when I ride with him in the fall. The driving gets extra scary this time of year. Who needs to look at the road when there are animals to be spotted, a rifle hanging in the window and a fresh new tag in your back pocket?
 

If any of these above listed items are occurring in your home or you happen to notice any camo clad men head-butting trees while holding shed horns on their heads, I can guarantee that hunting season is just around the corner. Now is the time to hide those cute little deer that you have been feeding all summer, lock up your dogs, contain your cats, and put hunter's orange on all of your livestock. The hunters are coming and you better look out!

Berube lives a crazy, laugh-filled life with her outdoorsman husband Remi and their three camo-clad children in Missoula, Montana. A graduate of Montana State University and the Northern Alberta Institute of Technology, she loves being a mom and enjoys hiking, fishing, and camping. “Confessions of a Camo Queen: Living with an Outdoorsman” is her first book.
 

It is available for purchase at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/1560376287/ref=tsm_1_fb_lk

Photo by: Kristen Ryan

Summer is anything but a lazy time of year. Between all of the backyard barbeques, bouncing across the lake on tubes, gathering with family and friends to celebrate the wedded bliss of loved ones and camping under star strewn skies, there’s hardly a spare minute during summer’s long and glorious days.
 

Here in Montana summer is short but sweet. I literally get goosebumps of excitement just thinking about those peak days where there’s still light in the sky at 10 p.m. We all try to cram in as many activities as possible while the days are long and the temps have finally thawed the snowcapped mountains and made the fresh waters tepid enough to swim in. But periodically we need to slow it down, catch our breath, and just relish in the peaceful bliss that is summer. This past weekend I got a chance to do just that.
 

This past Friday, with a truck bed loaded down with a tent, sleeping bags, bug spray and a big ‘ol bowl filled to the brim with party mix, my husband and I headed out of town bound for Placid Lake. For the past several years we have done an annual camping trip at Placid with Andy’s parents and sisters. The weekend is usually comprised of wakeboarding/wakesurfing behind Andy’s boat, afternoon rounds of playing Farkle, and eating more s’mores than is ever advisable. It’s a trip that I think we all spend the summer looking forward too and it always delivers some very special memories.
 

This year Andy’s two sisters and I decided to mix things up a bit by renting a pair of paddleboards to try out. With the end of summer slowly creeping up, I knew I had done plenty of boating for the season and was ready to try out a new sport.
 

On Saturday morning Andy and I, along with his sisters, took a quick road trip into Seeley Lake to pick up the boards from a recreational rental shop in town. While they looked massive, the boards were surprisingly light. After strapping the boards down in the bed of the truck and tucking the paddles underneath them, we were on the road again back to the campground. When we got back to Placid, Andy drove us right down to the dock area and unloaded the boards onto a grassy patch nearby. Then he wished us all good luck and headed off to attend to some things with his boat.
 

Cleary not wanting to be the first one to potentially tumble overboard Andy’s sister, Holly, nominated her sister, Maureen, and I for the first attempts out. So I handed her the camera and jokingly told her that if we went it, she better document it.
 

Maureen, and I shuffled our way down to the water’s edge each with a paddleboard tucked under one of our arms. After wading out into the water a little ways with them, we questioned how we were supposed to start on them. We joked that we really should’ve YouTube’d it beforehand but we just figured, “how hard could it be?” I finally shrugged my shoulders and hesitantly crawled up onto my board on my hands and knees. Holly had the camera up and ready to catch any spontaneous plunges into the lake either of us might make. With just a few wobbles here and there and a little shimmying around on the board, Maureen and I were off and paddling.
 

There was just one little detail…..neither of us had stood up yet. The board felt remarkably stable underneath me though, which was contrary to how many people had described paddle boarding to me. So I just decided to go for it. I slowly raised up from my knees to stand first one leg, then the other. And voila! I was up standing and paddling like there was nothing to it. There was a little bit of teeter-tottering those first few strokes but then I felt quite comfortable.
 

Since Maureen and I had launched our boards close to the dock, we had a bit of navigating to do with all of the boat traffic coming in and out before we could make it out to open water. There was only one minor incident where Maureen nearly got ran over by a boat, but she just smiled nervously and kept paddling. Once we got away from all the boats, I was able to relax and just enjoy my time on the board.
 

The water beneath us was breathtakingly clear. I’d always known the water at Placid Lake was very clean but speeding across the top of it on a boat had apparently always deterred me from truly seeing the natural splendor of its clarity. Right below our feet were piles of large, smooth boulders and masses of green weeds that stretched upwards like tentacles towards the surface. The Little Mermaid lover inside me kept waiting to see the flick of a colorful tail as it darted between the weeds.
 

I paddled quite a ways out from shore, occasionally looking back to chuckle at Maureen’s attempts to do a headstand on her board (she was eventually successful). I tilted my head back to embrace the full glow of the sun overhead in a naked blue sky entirely devoid of clouds. I loved the gentle rocking motion of the board beneath me as small waves passed by. I loved the slow, drifting pace at which I moved along. After going non-stop all summer long, I appreciated the few minutes to move at a leisurely pace without a care or worry in the world on my mind. I felt relaxed for the first time in a long time.
 

I think it’s safe to say that most of us worry about summer passing us by before we’ve done everything we wanted to do. We feel like each day in summer needs to involve some major outing or adventure. Activities like curling up and reading a good book on the deck, watching the sun set, or going for a slow and aimless stroll outside, feel too slow-paced for summer. But it might just be that the slower, lazier days spent relaxing and taking in everything around provide us the greatest solace. While paddle boarding might not be my favorite summer activity, I did appreciate the peaceful afternoon it afforded me.

Lacey Middlestead is a Montana native and freelance writer currently living in Helena, Mont. She loves meeting new people and helping share their stories. When she’s not busy writing articles for newspapers like the Independent Record and Helena Vigilante, she can usually be found indulging in her second greatest passion–playing in the Montana wilderness. She loves skiing and snowmobiling in the winter and four wheeling, hiking, boating, and riding dirt bikes in the summer.