Kathleen Clary Miller has written 300+ columns and stories for periodicals both local and national, and has authored three books.  She lives in the woods of the Ninemile Valley, thirty miles west of Missoula.

When family arrived for the grand opening of summer and Father’s Day, I rummaged around the back of the bathroom cabinet for bug spray. The father of honor’s request would be an evening meal on the patio, an al fresco event generally populated by mosquitoes despite the table décor consisting of citronella candles.

To my chagrin, since I use natural products exclusively, the spray bottle had long since expired. The best I could do before making the trek to town to purchase a fresh supply was to spray and pray. I’m the target bugs love to bite, so worst-case scenario I’d be the best defense since they would buzz my way and shun the kids.

Even the natural insect repellants blanket the skin with an oily, uncomfortable layer you can’t wait to shower away, but sticky and gummy wins over itchy, so the choice is clear even if unclean.

As we sat while the sun sank and reminisced about father’s foibles, flies and yellow jackets made their presence known. Invisible to the naked eye those pesky mosquitoes couldn’t be far behind.

“What’s that sound?” one of the boys asked. We’d all noticed something coming from the sky that if not a genetically-engineered giant insect had to be a bird. An owl? Not quite the correct call for an owl. Over and over again, more and more frequently the strange noise emanated from above, even as darkness drew nearer. With light still in the sky, however, we could see nothing, no clue as to the identity of this avian mystery.

Google to the rescue. After a little research we discovered the nighthawk accompanied by a u-tube video with sound. What we were hearing was its wings as it pulled them in and dove to snag a bite of bugs.

Despite my bathroom bottle’s expiration date having passed its limit by over two years, that evening none of us were bitten. One might deduce that the natural spray ingredients last longer than the warning note to the consumer.

I vote for the nighthawk,: organic, efficient, at no cost to the consumer, and with an infinite shelf life, by far my new go-to insect repellant.

Finally I can enjoy the outdoors without watching for mosquitoes like a hawk.

(www.amazon.com/author/millerkathleenclary)

Police Reports from the Flathead...Critter Chaos!

1:48 a.m. A kid called from his trampoline to report that a bear was in the backyard and that his friend was having a panic attack. A bear was gone and the kids were inside when a deputy arrived.

6:41 a.m. A mountain lion was seen chasing something down Demersville Road.

8:20 a.m. A Whitefish resident complained that an angry feral cat has been hanging around her house.

8:20 a.m. Five puppies were loose and running down Eighth Avenue East.

8:26 a.m. A red-eyed rabbit was found on Sussex Drive.

9:10 a.m. A Lakeside man reported that he killed a bat because it was flying around at 7:30 p.m. which, according to him, was strange behavior.

10:26 am. A resident on Eighth Avenue East reported six runaway shar-pei puppies.

2:31 p.m. A Kalispell man reported that his mother had been attacked by a vicious pony earlier that morning.

3:29 p.m. Someone in Bigfork claimed that there were two “BING” cars in the area. The caller claimed that they had huge antennas on their hoods and worried that they were somehow “stealing information.”

7:25 p.m. A 7-year-old boy on Harmony Court called 911 to report that an adult in the neighborhood keeps stealing his bike. However, he reported that this time he and his friend had managed to stealthily retrieve the bike on their own. He had yet to notify his parents of the issue.

7:34 p.m. A local woman reported that a naked man was outside lurking around the neighborhood. She did manage to get a picture of him which revealed that he was not completely naked, but wearing some sort of fig leaf.